Poiema

On Job and how it blows my mind...

2010-11-08T22:32:00.004-05:00

Thanks Liz for giving me the idea to blog the overflow of my thoughts about tonight's lesson.
So you might have guessed from the title of this post that I've been studying the book of Job with my church group at Spotswood and at Encounter. What we've been doing is less a close reading of the book but rather, an attempt to understand who God is through an evaluation and overview of the book (it's rather long).

The overview: Job was an upright man who sought after God. He was also incredibly rich and blessed in an abundance of material possessions and family. God allowed Satan to try to make Job sin. Satan tested Job through two tests. First, he took away his wealth and his children and his servants. Second, Satan put boils (ouch) all over Job's body. Through all of this, Job did not sin. He questioned God at one point demanding an audience with his Creator but God reminded him of his place. Through all this, God protected Job's life by keeping Satan on a leash. Job responded to these trials by worshiping God and remaining faithful. As Doug would say, he was a "stud" of epic proportions.

Things we can learn from Job:

God is in control! I don't think it's a coincidence that I'm also studying the book of Daniel in my own quiet times. Right now, I'm plodding through chapter 4 of Daniel in which King Nebuchadnezzar is humbled by God even though God sent him a vision of what would happen if he didn't atone for his sins. Daniel 4 is kind of a microcosm of the book of Job. King Nebby (as they say in Veggie Tales) had it all: wealth, power, his health, influence, etc. He was aware of all that was in his possession and this made him proud. After a temporary bout of insanity, God restores his possessions and kingdom. It's weird how the passages in Daniel 4 and Job 42 parallel each other. Have a look:

At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever,

for his dominion is an everlasting dominion,
and his kingdom endures from generation to generation;
all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing,
and he does according to his will among the host of heaven
and among the inhabitants of the earth;
and none can stay his hand
or say to him, "What have you done?"

AND

Then Job answered the LORD and said:
"I know that you can do all things,
and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?'
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
'Hear, and I will speak;
I will question you, and you make it known to me.'
I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
but now my eye sees you;
therefore I despise myself,
and repent in dust and ashes."

I love how God is so intentional in how He reveals things to me through His Word. I think the lesson I'm supposed to be learning here is clear. He's saying, "Claire, don't worry. You're in my hands. I love you and I'm taking care of you. I'm going to take your life and make it beautiful."

"For we are God's workmanship [poiema, beautiful something], created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Eph 2:10

In the study tonight, we did an exercise with two human easels--Ryan and Liz. Liz was the "difficult" easel in that she wouldn't let Candice draw the juggling gnome the way she wanted to. In fact, Liz was trying to get Candice to draw a house! Ryan was the "good" easel in that he calmly and patiently let Jac draw a pilgrim holding a turkey in the continent of Africa (imperialism?). He trusted that there was a reason that there was so much blue around the edges of Africa (apparently there was a major geological event that launched it into the middle of the Atlantic ocean). This illustration was amazing and meaningful on so many levels.

First, the canvas itself represents our lives. The drawing is the story that God paints with our lives. We are his poiema, his masterpiece. Time and time again I'm awed by the idea that God doesn't look at his creation and marvel.

"But turn a telescope toward the stars, or take the time to look at the brighter stars with care, and they will take on the colors of the rainbow." -Chet Raymo The Soul of the Night

No, he looks at us and marvels. We are the delicate brushstrokes, the sweeping colors, the sharp intake of breath at the final creation, the awe. The more beautiful our lives look, the more glory goes to the Artist who created us and ordained our every step. We need to hold the canvas still, to abandon our dreams of houses when God wants juggling gnomes (please Lord, something else), and let God paint whatever He desires--even if we have to close our eyes and look away while He does it.

The thing is that God allows bad things to happen. Though He is always sovereign and in control, he lets evil happen--the famines, floods, earthquakes, car accidents, cancer, heartache. This makes God sound impotent; like He is powerless to stop these things from happening.

Not so.

God is faithful to limit evil and direct circumstances so as to accomplish His purposes on earth. Like I said in the overview, God had Satan on a leash when he was unleashing havoc in Job's life. Really, God uses Satan, a creature bent on destruction, like one would use a puppet or a marionette. That black smear of paint looks terrible against the stark white of the canvas. But then we see that the smear is actually a raised eyebrow in a sly expression.

My roommate Katie is an artist (newly discovered and all). She was painting a portrait of her nephew, Leo for her mom and I saw the painter's process firsthand. It was messy. Her subject looked weird as the strokes came together covering her pencil sketch. Then, one day, the baby that she was painting looked like Leo. His blue eyes practically sparkled on the canvas. I think what I'm trying to say here is that our lives look messy and incomplete right now because God isn't finished with me yet. When He is finished, I'll stand in Heaven before His throne and praise Him for the painting that He made through me.

I need to be responsive. Jac said something that really struck me. When she was drawing the weird Africa picture, she said that Ryan compensated for the pressure that she applied to the easel by pushing forward where necessary. Being a human easel is not merely a passive activity, it requires an incredible trust in a Most High God and a willingness to respond to the places that God prods in our lives. In order to be sensitive to this pressure, we need to--no, I need to be in the Word thirsting for it and hungering for it like there's no other sustenance in the world.

All these ideas and musings here are so woefully incomplete. They're just like that frozen turkey that's been in the 400 degree oven for two minutes. I think I'm going to continue to wrestle with these notions for the rest of my life, however long God decides that should be.

I pray that this blesses you!

On The Close Of Summer 2010

2010-08-03T08:46:00.017-04:00

I've been reading Sadie's blog (which looks considerably cooler than mine probably because she's a hard-core blogger and not a from-time-to-time blogger like I am), and she talked about going through her 700 iphone pictures on the way back from Peru. That reminded me that I needed to go through my rather disorganized collection of photos from this summer and put them in their respective folders. This process of organizing photos made me realize two things--no three things. First, photo-flavored blog posts are way more fun and easy to look at than the other variety.
Second, I haven't done nothing this summer (what kind of English major are you Claire, a double negative?! Seriously?). I've actually done a considerable amount based upon the pictures I took that record these events.

That's a picture of my new friend Sam and I at the Spotswood College and Singles retreat, Distinction. I have bonded so well with my church group in a way that's so unique to my experience thus far that I can only give credit to God for this miracle. I am actually involved in a church, growing in that body, and encouraged by its members to improve my relationship with God. I have accountability in the body, fellowship in the body-genuine koinonia in the most hard-core early church sense of the word, and love for my brothers and sisters in Christ in this church body. I understand that this is a season and that many of the people whom I feel close to this summer will have to go back to their schools in the Fall and that the particular combination of people this summer will probably never come together again like this but that makes me love and cherish this time more than ever. I think that's the whole point of seasons--to makes us understand the brevity of life on earth and recognize that God, the giver of all good things, is ultimately in charge and is sovereign.

A shot of the group on our way home from Doylestown, PA where we went for our week-long mission trip. I was reading in my new favorite book, Stuff Christians Like, how Christians are afraid to pray for patience and humility because God would answer that prayer with a beard and a barrel--a beard from waiting so long for something we want and a barrel when God makes us instantly homeless and that is the only item left to wear. I think I must have prayed in the Spring semester to receive both these "explosive" requests... I think this season, God has definitely humbled me. Thank goodness I have a family and am not left with just a barrel to strap around my mid-section but I've been forced to wait on God and allow Him to reveal Himself to me--slowly.

I realized this summer how important a church body is and how ultimately insignificant it is to be super productive all the time. My college mentality definitely makes me rank summer activities in terms of how awesome they'll look on a resume. Summer 2010 should rank somewhere between an 8 and a 10 if I'm going to be successful after I graduate. I think (according to this same scale) that it merits a 3, maybe. Living my life for Christ eliminates the necessity of a scale of this nature. Opportunities to serve Christ and obey God's will are not the result of an awesome resume. They're produced by hard work and lots of time spent praying and reading the Word and of course waiting upon the Lord.

This summer I got to spend time with my sisters at Virginia Beach...

Hang out with my awesome friend Liz who goes to the Air Force Academy...

Spend time with my roommate in England and good friend Ruth...

Develop some of my hobbies, new and old...
Guitar:

Photography:

Crocheting, reading, writing, cooking...the list goes on. One thing I can say with confidence is that I am looking forward to senior year. The third thing that I realized I missed when I was going through my photos was the apartment 931 shenanigans.
I miss these things in particular...

Battles over fuzzy socks!

I have no idea what is happening here but it looks funny.

Sleepy morning faces before coffee!

See you all very soon fellow flatmates of mine! <3

On Having Superpowers

2010-06-27T17:28:00.002-04:00

I just started reading Francis Chan's second book, Forgotten God, which dwells on the role of the Holy Spirit in our lives and in the church. I've read approximately 30 pages of the book and I already have to blog some of my thoughts on things that Chan brings up. Here's the excerpt that really inspired me to write:

"Then in Acts 2, we see the fulfillment of this promise in a way that must have shocked the disciples. The Holy Spirit's power is unleashed like no one had ever seen or experienced before, and Peter shares the amazing promise that this Holy Spirit is available to anyone who believes. The Epistles tell us of the Holy Spirit's amazing power at work in us, our Spirit-enabled ability to put our sin to death through Him, and the supernatural gifts He gives us" (Chan 30, my emphasis).

When I first came to Encounter in the Spring semester, Doug identified the things that I was interested in as Sci-Fi and superheroes. I guess I talked about those two topics a lot in front of him? Maybe I couldn't think of anything else that I was interested in in those times when we were asked about ourselves? I don't know. A question I was recently asked was what do I make famous with my life? How sad is it when the things that are most apparent to others are television shows that I enjoy, fleeting TV franchises. What if instead people identified me first as a Christian and not merely a conservative or an English major or a TV aficionado or a book lover or whatever else will pass away into the oblivion of history? This strand of thought has gotten me very off topic. Back to my initial idea.

Can I just say how freaking cool is the Holy Spirit? According to Scripture, the Holy Spirit is the intercessor between us and God. Pastor Drew said (I paraphrase), when we blunder through our prayers to God since we really have no idea how to pray, the Spirit (the advocate or lawyer) presents our "case" to the Holy God. God hears and answers our prayers! What a great system that God created? Going back to my fixation on the whole superhero franchise (Buffy, X-Men, Doctor Who, etc--according to me, all these mentioned are superheroes), the phrase that piqued my interest in Forgotten God is "supernatural gifts," not spiritual gifts but supernatural gifts. It is a subtle difference, I know, but significant, nonetheless.

As Christians, the Holy Spirit enters us and we are then given superpowers! Superheroes don't use these powers for their own benefit but to help rescue others. The Doctor on the series, Doctor Who, is a Timelord, for crying out loud! He has the ability to travel from the Victorian Age to 5 billion years in the future, just for the sake of the human race. I guess it's more exciting to help others when you're super powerful than not (like the Q on Star Trek, a billion points to anyone who knows who that is) but I digress. Isn't it the same deal for Christians? Doug pointed out in Encounter the other week that though we are given spiritual gifts, these gifts aren't meant for us to use them for our own benefit. Take the gift of encouragement for instance. How silly would it be for someone who has this gift to use it on themselves? "Buck up, Cecil! You need to get out there and do this thing!"--or whatever.

I don't really know what my spiritual gifts are in particular (I haven't had patience to sit down and take a survey like this one: http://buildingchurch.net/g2s-i.htm; too much hard core introspection, I guess). Anyways, it's almost time for small groups to start so I'll wrap these thoughts up for now. Hopefully more later!

On Watching Sad Movies

2010-06-15T21:58:00.003-04:00

I've read the book, cried through the book and then finally, the movie based on the book shows up at the top of my Netflix queue and I pop it in the DVD player for some evening entertainment. There's a strange type of gravity that operates in the Cecil home as far as where the TV is and where the other denizens of the house are. Slowly, one by one, they are drawn downwards towards the flickering screen and other entranced viewers.
What movie am I talking about, you may ask? (Or, you may not ask...) Marley and Me, of course! Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston and a large golden retriever unite forces in this funny but ultimately tragic movie. My mom comes down first and assures me that, after having seen the last fifteen minutes of the movie, it is very sad. Of course it's sad! The movie ends with the dog's death! A slow, sad drawn-out death, too.
Patrick comes down next. The TV's on, it's rated PG. Score! I've never actually seen him cry during a movie so this one marks a first.
Once Annie's done with her shower, she joins us clad in a towel for the last twenty minutes of the movie. She knows it's a sad ending and repeatedly cries out, "I don't want to watch this!" and then her attention returns to the movie. Marley's too old to walk up the stairs, more cries that she doesn't like this movie. The tears come when Marley won't come inside the house. They take him to the vet but before they do, the family has to say their final goodbyes to this beloved monster. The floodgates open and Annie is actually crying. Not a few tears quickly wiped away in a dark room but tears accompanied by sobs, sniffs, the whole nine yards. I think that the only thing that kept her from cuddling with my mom was the fact that she was still only wearing a towel.
I'm crying too but as I observe Annie's hysterics, I can't help but laugh at her over-the-top reaction. She hates sad movies because they breach the "ice-queen" facade. Finally, the screen fades to black, I put the disk back in the Netflix envelope, and slip it in the mailbox. Hopefully, the next movie on my queue will be a comedy, for Annie's sake, at least.

New Things, Old Things, A Little Bit of Both

2010-06-11T08:43:00.002-04:00

I just realized that the title of this post sounds like one of those lame chic lit books that you pick up in the library because the cover is brightly colored and the title is in a really cool font, then quickly put back down once you've had the chance to read the back cover. If we were in the animal kingdom, the best analogy I can summon is those brightly colored poisonous insects that predators are drawn to (like this one)--and then, once close, it secretes its poison into the curious animal. Sucker!!
Anyways, things that I've been pondering lately:
*Veganism: what!? Claire thinking about becoming a vegan?? Wait--don't be so quick to jump on the judgment wagon. I'm merely weighing the pros and cons of veganism at this point. I'm already halfway there actually. Having given up dairy products (except eggs, still eating those on occasion), all I would have to give up is poultry (which I love), other meat products (which are okay...), and fish (which is good for you). Hence my pondering. I can't say for sure that I want to strand myself in that food limbo of limited options and carb-gorging. I've just been reading what vegans have written on blogs and such about how much better they feel and how much more energy they have. Maybe this is something I will do when I feel my vitality flagging. That way I can actually notice a difference.
*Politics: This past Saturday through Tuesday, I went down to Virginia Beach with my Dad to help his West Point classmate, Bert Mizusawa run in a primary for Congress. We lost but it was really strange being back in the saddle, so to speak. That is, listening to the pundits debate or rave or whatever all the time on talk radio (my Dad's favorite listening choice, not mine). Talking to people at the polls, during the door to door campaigning, over the phone, etc. Being informed on the issues again and having an invested interest in the outcome of an election really takes me back to high school when I was steeped in politics. As President of the Young Republicans and daughter in a very politically active family, I all but had no choice--like hot water with a tea bag in it. I realized why I don't really like being involved in politics anymore...people are incredibly nasty and rude when that topic is broached. I naturally prefer to avoid conflict and so the idea of people employing whatever tactics to take down an opponent is one I would rather shy away from.
*Traveling: I leave for Fredericksburg today and Lake Anna tomorrow. Next week, I'm going to Maryland for a retreat with my church group. The week after that, Virginia Beach (again) for a vacation with the sisters. The week after that, a mission trip to Pennsylvania with Spotswood. Then, a few weeks pass and I'm off to Wyoming for Katie App's wedding. For all the joblessness that I've found myself in this summer, I'm actually quite busy.

Sloths and Salvation

2010-03-05T15:13:00.003-05:00

It has been a really long time since I've actually blogged. Sometimes, I thought about how I should probably keep a record of what God has been teaching me but then I realized that the real reason why I wasn't blogging was because I wanted to keep God at a distance and avoid the painful process of reviewing my trek up the mountain of faith (*thank you Doug for that metaphor*).
For my Nineteenth Century Best-Sellers seminar, we are currently reading a book called The Wide, Wide World by a woman named Susan Warner. This book is about a young girl named Ellen who is forced to go from relative to relative but remains true to the precepts of the Christian faith that her mother instilled in her before her death. It describes in minute detail Ellen's struggles to repress her own desires and become more like Christ.
While I am certain that my professor did not intend for anyone to reap spiritual material from the book, it has caused a revival in my faith in that it has shown me what true Christianity looks like. It's a daily process of denying yourself and serving others. That servanthood is, as Jesus professed when he washed the disciples' feet, the only true way to happiness (see John 13).
I've imbibed all the principles of Christianity without understanding that it's more than just knowledge. I guess I've told myself this truth and I've vowed to "spend more time with God" but I don't want it to become a mechanical routine. I want to hunger and thirst for the Bible. Today, possibly for the first time, that happened. I truly hungered for God's word in a way that I've never felt before. I got tired of reading about Ellen reading the Bible and I wanted that same experience for myself. I just felt drained and a bit depressed after a text conversation with a friend this morning, like I was being strangled actually and couldn't fully breathe in. It was as if I had received a piece of really bad news and all the anxiety that I had pushed to the side was choking me.
The source of this anxiety had nothing to do with the conversation but everything to do with the state of my soul. I know when people bring up their soul, what follows is often a bunch of metaphysical mumbo jumbo that I couldn't even attempt to understand. I'll try to keep it simple here: my soul felt sick and I knew that the only solution for it was the Bible. In WWW, John 10 is brought up quite frequently so I knew that my search had to start there. This chapter referred to Jesus as the "Good Shepherd" and I knew immediately that these words had more resonance for me at that moment than they had possibly ever had before. I'm not saying that I wasn't saved before--I don't actually even want to touch on that subject. I am, however, saying that I sat down on the floor in the family room of my house and prayed that God would send His Helper to fill me up. He revealed to me then exactly why I was feeling so miserable. I had been incredibly cruel to some people who love me and care about me. This cruelty is not always openly manifested but it still infects my heart, slowly poisoning all my good intentions. In WWW, whenever characters call Ellen "good", she emphatically responds to them by saying that she is not good! I feel the same way. Appearances can be so deceiving. It's so easy to put on the Christian facade while your inner self decays and rots, lacking the renewing power that only the Holy Spirit can provide.
You're probably wondering why I mentioned sloths in the title of this post. One of the ways in which my bitterness leaked out was through attacking things that my friends were fond of, like sloths. Now, with my Helper, I'm going to learn to love sloths in all their absurdities and despite my own self. My plea is the same as John the Baptists was, let Him increase so that I may decrease. Amen.

Ave Maria Part One

2009-10-02T05:14:00.003-04:00

I apologize for not really staying on top of this whole blogging thing. Sometimes I have to choose between blogging and letter writing and letter writing almost always wins. I think it's important to note what music I'm listening to right now because that has a singular effect on the content of what I write. I'm currently listening to Ave Maria sung by Luciano Pavarotti on Pandora radio and it is brilliant. For some reason, my hormones are changing or something and I'm moved to tears very easily (as I write this with tears in my eyes). I can't really explain it; perhaps a woman thing?

Wow, I'm easily distracted. Back to what I actually wanted to write about which is what God is doing in my life right now. In an effort to be transparent here with whoever reads this, I'm going to be upfront about my spiritual struggles and not try to cover everything up with a pathetic facade which, I'll admit, I'm prone to doing. For weeks, I had despaired of not finding any fellow Christians besides my roommate and just stagnating in my spiritual life.

That all changed in Oxford. Last week, the entire program went to Oxford for a week to stay at the University College and experience what it's like to be a student there. The outcome of this move was that we all had more of an opportunity to mix with other people in the program outside of those in our house and in our classes. Sunday morning comes around having just arrived the day before and many of us troop over to Christ Church (name of a college, not a church) to attend a service. The service was quite remarkable: the choir sung magnificently, the church itself was breathtaking, and non-Christians were attending a church service which to me was the most remarkable thing of all. Anyways, after the service, I talked to a few other people about what they thought of the service and that started us on the topic of our own religious leanings; there are more Christians in the group than I had realized.

So Oxford was the beginning but this last week, there's an e-mail that's sent out to everyone in the program that advertises a Bible Talk that a member of the ASE program had put together for Tuesday evening. I decided to come just to show her support for courageously doing what I hadn't even thought to do. On an aside, I talked to Ruth the other day about missed opportunities in sharing the gospel and how even if we miss out, God will provide other means for the truth to be proclaimed...like that passage in Esther, "And they told Mordecai what Esther had said. Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, "Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:12-14)

Well, God certainly provided a means for truth to be proclaimed even within the secular confines of an academic program studying in England. I went to the bible study and two other people besides myself and Emily, the person who put the bible study together, were there. Regardless of numbers, I was tremendously encouraged by her courage and initiative to study God's word in "dark" places. We looked at a passage in the gospel of Mark that spoke of Jesus' baptism and how extraordinary that was. We also ate chocolate. :) One girl that came was Catholic and the other was Jewish... I am very excited to see where this goes and what God intends to do with this study. Despair is futile when you're a child of God; He gives us hope, and a future, and a purpose.

Whoever reads this, please pray for this study and for the Christians in this program to be bold in proclaiming the gospel. I'm now listening to classical Christmas music (Still, Still, Still on the Christmas Adagios album); apparently I didn't realize that Ave Maria is Christmas music. ;)

Til later my friends, cheers!

First Impressions

2009-09-01T14:06:00.002-04:00

This is the first blog post that I've written since arriving in England so I'm kind of feeling the pressure to make it really impressive, full of fantastic stories about my adventures, and at the same time, provide meaningful insight into all these new places that I've been seeing and exploring. Except--I don't really like to write meaningless lists of places where I and probably millions of other tourists have been. My mom asked me to keep a travel journal so each evening right before I go to bed, I write a few sentences in a purple notebook that I purchased in the U.K. that basically describe what activities and events my day is comprised of. Since that's hardly a huge commitment, places that I have visited will be ascribed meaning because I interacted with them and have unique impressions of said place--in my journal for my personal recollection; not because I consider it private, but because it's meaningless outside of that context! I live what E.M. Forster would call the "inner life" as opposed to the "outer life" as most of my personality--my thoughts, opinions, feelings--stay inside my head. Often, I don't feel like I can accurately articulate this inner monologue and my goofiness around friends and acquaintances is hardly enough to make me an extrovert.
So, I'm here in Bath--this is probably what you expect me to talk about in a blog post but I have hardly anything to say on the subject. Buildings are impressive; people are British, things are expensive; and I just feel incredibly sad. This is something that I struggle with...maybe other Christians feel this burden as well? Most, if not all, I think, of the other people that I've met in the program--the Americans--are not Christians. Of course, that's a sweeping assessment considering how short a time we've all been together but we'll see if that assessment changes. In Orientation, Ruth and I have had many excellent opportunities to talk to the others about whether or not they're interested in joining a Christian group. I actually talked to one of my new housemates, Sam, about this and we had a very interesting conversation that just broke my heart. We were filling out a sheet where you can indicate which groups you're interested in joining and she mentioned that though she doesn't believe in any specific religious doctrine (a "lapsed Catholic," she said, managing a chuckle), she still feels compelled to pursue social justice. I responded by nodding my head and murmuring "yeahs" as if I sympathized, or worse, agreed with her! Another housemate "friended" me on facebook and I saw listed under her religious beliefs that hateful word, "atheist." I don't hate these people, mind you; I hate myself for not being bold enough to take them aside and tell them the simple truth: that God loves them and sent His Son to die for them on the cross. At the Tenth Avenue North concert that I attended a few weeks back, the lead singer guy used his parents and a random guy to illustrate a simple concept. There's "Jesus" standing there (his dad) and he had random guy hold hands with "Jesus" (they did the hand holding in a very manly fashion that made me laugh). Anyways, he has random guy/ Christian take hold of his mom's hand (she was the token sinner). Then-- here's the cool part--random guy now forms a connection between "Jesus" and "sinner." Then random guy brings sinner's hand to "Jesus." Very cool. I like that illustration because it shows me exactly why I need to have non-Christian friends! It is imperative! Lots of the ASE folks went pub-hopping tonight to celebrate some guy's b-day. Ruth and I are just hanging out at Linley House, skyping and relaxing.
Sorry I thwarted any expectations that would fill you in as to what my room looks like and what I'm eating and if I'm drinking a lot of tea (yes, to that question)...if you have specific questions about my study abroad experience thus far, please ask! I'll do my best to answer.

Good News and Bad News

2009-07-30T11:18:00.003-04:00

Don't be fooled by the title of this post. The news to which I am referring is not life changing nor is it earth shattering (that might be an expression that I just made up). I am merely bringing up the sensation of receiving news of both natures in a very short period of time. Yes, that nauseating roller coaster sensation except instead of starting on the ground and shooting up into the air, receiving the good news first feels like you have started off somewhere in the sky and the bad news is what plummets you back to the ground. All you have left at the end of this roller coaster ride is queasiness in the pit of your stomach and breath caught in your chest, unable to fully exhale.

Shall I begin with the good news? I received a letter today from Brinker International, aka, Romano's Macaroni Grill. I was a hostess at this restaurant during my senior year of high school and into the summer. Anyways, the letter (which I no longer have in my possession since I put in in another envelope with my signature and blessings and posted immediately) said something to the effect of "we owe you $189 and some change, please provide your telephone number, and a signature and we'll mail it to you asap." YES. Normally I get things in the mail that ask me for money so it is a rare surprise for money to flow the other way towards me. With all the expenses of England coming up, this is a blessing to be certain! Thank you God for almost $200 that I didn't expect!

So with all good things in life, bad things always accompany (wow, this sounds pessimistic). The thorns with the roses, as they say--or do they? My sister called within five minutes of me finding out about this lost paycheck of mine to tell us that she's coming home early from training. I'd rather not go into the details of this in such a public setting but I will say that this will devastate my parents. Since I'm not really going to be home that much in this next month, I will probably not see her much. Does that sound callous? Yes, probably but it's impossible to relate our entire history in a blog. When I was younger, I would read The Sweet Valley High books--don't judge, that was quality literature back then-- and fantasize about what it would be like to have a sister that I actually got along with. Kelly and I get along better now that many, many miles separate us but we've never really had that wholesome relationship that encompasses long conversations, shared jokes, nights on the town (not that I really go out for many, if any, "nights on the town" but it was merely part of the illustration). Many of my friends do have very close relationships with their sisters and sometimes, I envy them.

God gives each of us different trials in our lives and to avoid the risk of merely throwing platitudes around, I shall not try to paint myself as some kind of brilliant heroine here. All too often, I take the "Jonah" approach to these trials and attempt to run from them, as far and as fast as possible. Some things are just too hard for me to face on my own so I don't even try to face them. They make me feel humiliated and embarrassed. Then again, maybe I need to lose some of my pride, some of this shiny veneer that I've caked around myself, or rather, the image that I project to the world. God will humble me; probably not in a way that I can control or anticipate but I can look to Him for strength to survive it. So many public figures crumble once that veneer is stripped away because there's nothing underneath. I could provide examples but we all can summon names if we tried.

I'm re-reading the Mitford series because I always find depth and richness even within the simple small-town setting. Anyways, Father Tim, the protagonist, finds this quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together:
"We prevent God from giving us the great spiritual gifts He has in store for us, because we do not give thanks for daily gifts. We think we dare not be satisfied with the small measure of spiritual knowledge, experience, and love that has been given to us, and that we must constantly be looking forward eagerly for the highest good. Then we deplore the fact that we lack the deep certainty, the strong faith, and the rich experience that God has given to others, and we consider this lament to be pious...Only he who gives thanks for little things receives the big things."

Potpourri

2009-07-26T08:24:00.002-04:00

To explain the title, in Jeopardy, when they can't think of a category to put many random things in, they call it "potpourri." So, here is some randomness that defies categorization.

It's Sunday and I'm sitting here in Tabernacle Baptist Church listening to some Mat Kearney (if you do not know who that is, that needs to change because he is an amazing artist). We, the Impact staff, got back from the Eastern Shore yesterday and we then proceeded to start the unpacking/clean-up process--which I despise. I'm glad that I have a very motivated team to work with but they like to work late at night which does not work for me. Though last night was mainly a blur, I went to go help them with counting the "Change Matters" money, counted a dollar and seventy-five cents---in pennies-- (I think? o_O) and passed out. Oh yeah, I'm almost certain that I snored because when I'm not sleeping in a bed, something about the alignment messes up my breathing patterns, and did I mention that I was exhausted?

I purchased my plane ticket to England a few days ago!! I depart for London, Heathrow airport on August 24th and return December 22nd. If you can't tell, I'm pretty excited about this semester abroad thing. The traveling, the new experiences, the newness of everything is so invigorating to me. However, I worry that I'm getting too excited about the idealized version of everything that if everything does not go according to plan, then it will result in bitter disappointment. I'm trying not to get my expectations up too high but I also like to be prepared so I've been reading Rick Steve's travel books. Typical me, I know. Maybe being prepared will prevent disappointment? Well, something that has been stressed in travel books is the importance of flexibility. Oh yes, also, when I write of my travels, I shall try to not just recount a list of places that I go to but reflect on how I engage with those places and what I learn from them. This is a promise that my reader(s) must keep me accountable on, promise?

In the meantime, before I depart for England, I am super excited about the things between now and August 24th. CO Liz is coming back for her week long vacation from school and training and all that is associated with military academy life. So, I shall see her and I think I can coerce her into going to see the HP movie again which I have yet to see and perhaps, Star Trek as well? This summer hasn't really provided much time for movies with the exception of My Sister's Keeper which I saw during my three day long vacation two weeks ago. Also, I plan on making a trip up to NY to see K.Tite hopefully with the K.Jones but I am going to practice being flexible. ;) Finally, the 16th is the Tenth Avenue North concert which means I will get to see and hang out with the Mary Wash crowd before I leave!

I think this has the fragrant aroma of potpourri and randomness! I'd love to hear others' summer plans and such. Surprise me.

What Can I Possibly Say?

2009-07-23T21:46:00.002-04:00

Tonight, Thursday night, is, at "Christian camp," frequently called the "boo-hoo bonanza." A.K.A. a world-class cry fest. I don't like that it is referred to as such because lasting spiritual reformation does not come as a result of shedding a few tears while you're hugging your friends and then--it's over. The end. Cry fests don't usually involve spiritual reflection that draws us to some aspect of Christ; rather, they serve as an outlet for pent-up emotions that come at the end of a week filled with hard labor and late nights.

Then--it happened. Dana was playing the last song on his guitar ("All in All," I think?) and a young man approached me. I was sitting on the steps on the side of the stage kind of singing along completely unprepared for anyone to actually take up the offer to talk to a staffer if they needed to. I was the staff member of choice for Josh. He looked...to be honest, a bit preppy and sounded a bit preppy too; you know, the polo shirt, gelled hair, polished look. He was a different breed from the group that I hung out with in high school.

He sat down next to me and just started talking about how lost and empty he is feeling. Like he can't grasp God's existence and he's tired of pretending that he does. I mean, I know how the guy feels; he has a reputation to live up to since he serves on Youth council (or something like that) at his church and has to set an example for the younger members of his church. The guy was hurting and emptied his guts to me, a complete stranger! Verses ran through my head but none of them seemed right. Analogies that I had heard collided together and I just sat there wishing that he had confided in someone else. I can be a very empathetic person at times; to the extent that I feel others' pain, almost as much as they feel it themselves. Some would call this shouldering anothers' burden but sometimes it gets to a point where I can't separate my own pain from theirs. I felt Josh's hurt and longing because I know exactly how it feels to project an image to everyone that is merely an illusion. He wants facts of the black and white variety and I felt my own inadequacy in providing him with answers. I didn't even have my Bible with me, for crying out loud!

I like to think that I'm good at giving advice. I may be very particular about taking advice from others but I sure do like to dish it out. I always try to point to Christ in whatever advice I'm giving but that's assuming that He is there as a reference point from which I can base my advice on. So, I listened to Josh for a long time and stumbled my way through a few Bible verses that I knew off the top of my head and referenced some stories in the Bible. I mentioned love and seasons in one's life and just left him with the knowledge that I would be praying for him. Of course the conversation we had was more complex than what I alluded to but it's hard to reproduce an hour long conversation that is already a blur in my memory. Here in this blog I can only describe accurately how I feel about this conversation. I'm certain that God will use the words that I say to some end and I can only hope that God intends for this young man to know Him in the most intimate manner possible at some point in the future.

So, I decided that prayer was the solution. If you read this blog and believe in Christ as your personal savior, etc, etc, please STOP. And pray for Josh, right now. Do it. Just entreat God for this young man's soul to be filled with the Spirit and for him to recognize how God is working in his life. The most eloquent sermon in the world cannot compare to what can be accomplished through prayer. Of this at least, I am convinced.

Til later, dear reader. Good night!

Be Strong and Do It.

2009-07-21T20:53:00.003-04:00

As baptism is a profession of faith through physical deed, I think it's about time that I profess my desire to follow Christ with my words. I've been working here at Impact for about seven weeks now and each of those four weeks that I've actually done camp, God has taught me something about His character, His strength, His worthiness. We are actually serving those who need it most! That's exactly what God calls us to do and I'm afraid that I'm going to settle for mediocrity in my life post-college. I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to avoid a life rich with material wealth but devoid of anything that I can give to God. I'm afraid that I might waste my life.

Ben, the camp pastor here at camp, tells this story about this mountain in Switzerland. When a snowflake falls on this mountain and melts on the left side, it joins the Rhone river; a river so toxic that you can actually develop film in it because it runs through the industrial parts of Germany. Or, if it melts on the right side of the mountain, it will join the Rhine river; a river that runs through some of the most beautiful parts of France to eventually join the crystal clear waters of the Mediterranean. God has given us the choice to be toxic or otherwise.

“And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever. Be careful now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the
sanctuary; be strong and do it.” (I Chronicles 28:9-10)

It's getting late and I'm feeling rather sentimental. I don't want this desire to be a mere feeling but rather, I want it to be something that drives me mad. I want a current to run through me, much like electricity actually. If you are struck by lightening, that energy isn't meant to stay within you; it needs somewhere to go. To mildly describe God's power, He is like a bolt of electricity.

Before this summer, I think I expressed on a few occasions how uncomfortable I felt around kids. This summer, that has totally changed. We encounter the homeowner's kids on a regular basis and I love talking to the younger kids and playing with them. Yesterday, I met a little girl named Serena. She stood out to me because she had a bowl cut similar to the one that I had when I was little. The only toy she had was a bear that a kind elderly lady from church had given her. This bear had a wedding veil and flowers. Of course! It had just gotten married! She grasped this bear tight as she praced around her dusty yard behind the trailer that they couldn't live in because it didn't have plumbing and in front of the tiny trailer that her mom, her brother and her did live in. It just broke my heart.

Speaking of my heart, I'm not usually this honest on my blog but I have to get this out. A few years ago, I went to an Intervarsity meeting where they invited a speaker to talk about sex trafficking and a home that they have for girls who were victimized by sex trafficking to recover and even have futures! However, I don't know where to start to find where I can help. I've been trying for so long to look for opportunities by myself and I'm thinking it's time that I find a mentor who can advise me and direct me towards opportunities to serve. I'm in it for the long haul. James says that "religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." It's just a matter of being strong in order to do it. Christianity is not easy and if I ever get to a point where I start to think that it is easy, I'll have some serious reevaluating to do.

Wow...not having access to facebook or my e-mail has really left me with a lot of time to blog. Maybe this should be a trend!

My Testimonizzle-- no, that's not a dirty word.

2009-07-20T22:17:00.002-04:00

For the past four weeks of Impact, I've shared my testimony every Monday night and it has changed over the course of the summer. I spent a lot of time preparing for tonight and I actually typed it out so I thought I'd share it here--exclusive! Remember, it's a little bit different in its written format than its spoken presented format. If you feel led to share your own testimony with me, I'd love to hear it.

Raised in the Lutheran Church; baptized as an infant, confirmed at the end of 8th grade—meaning that I was considered an adult in the church. I could recite the liturgy and I knew many of the hymns that we sang almost by heart but I despised going to church because I thought it was boring. However, in reality, it was because I didn’t see the point behind the liturgy and the other parts of the worship services. I believed that God existed but I didn’t care to know anything else. I had knowledge about Christ but I certainly didn’t know Him. My “Christianity” consisted of going to church and Sunday school religiously and saying a quick prayer before dinner.

Here is where God intervened. Understand that He will pursue a relationship with you even when—especially when— you’re farthest from Him. My best friend, Jillian, moved back to my neighborhood after living in Turkey for a couple years because her mom worked for the State Department. I attended services with her a few times at her Baptist church. If you’ve never been to a traditional Lutheran service then it’s hard to understand how different Baptist services are with the contemporary music and a sermon that feels relevant… but it was through Jillian’s life that I witnessed the reality of Christ. She certainly embodied the fruits of the Spirit; a concept I didn’t understand at the time but could still sense a difference between her life and my own.

I wanted my life to look like hers and this desire grew into a prayer. I can’t remember specifically praying the sinner’s prayer and being baptized because that’s not how it works in the Lutheran church but over time, I was certain that God loved me and wanted to know me. So that’s how I first became a Christian. The verse from Romans, chapter 8, is apt here: “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”

That’s a glimpse of what my faith looked like up until college. I decided to go to the University of Mary Washington in Fredericksburg, VA (pause for cheers from Ferry Farm) and God blessed me with Christian community in the Baptist Collegiate Ministries; something that I hadn’t before been part of to this extent. All of a sudden, I was surrounded with friends to support and encourage me towards a greater knowledge and understanding of Christ. I recommend finding a Christian ministry to plug into once you get to college because there are many options; it’s just a matter of finding one that fits.

So what is God doing in my life today? I’ve learned an incredible amount through doing Impact this summer. God has taught me a lot about what the fruits of the Spirit look like through the examples of others and through times when I have been pushed to either walk by the Spirit or ignore His urgings. Here’s the verse from Galatians that I’m referencing: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

The ones that stand out the most to me are joy, patience, and faithfulness. The Biblical Greek term from Paul's spiritual 'orchard' in Galatians is chara—Ben likes a splash of Greek and so do I— which can mean joy, cheer, gladness, or celebration. Joy runs deeper than mere pleasure; especially in a spiritual context, it runs deep into the the core of us, and radiates throughout. I’ve been challenged to display this cheer when it’s 5:45 AM and it’s my turn to help Nick get the ice in the coolers and then I realize, Nick does this every day and doesn’t complain. In fact, he’s a pretty happy guy when he’s doing the ice. Now that’s joy.

I’ve also been challenged this summer to display patience. The Greek term in Galatians 5:22 is makrothumia [makro- (long, distant in time or space, large-view) + thumos (passion, rage, the emotions of suffering)], with a usual meaning of having an enduringly-calm temper. Many times this summer, I’ve been pushed to the brink by something, often trivial, and I respond in a very human way. However, I’ve been convicted in this regard through the examples set by those around me. For instance, I visited a jobsite at Wise where one of the crew chiefs was willing to teach me how to nail pickets onto a wheelchair ramp and I, of course, messed up. He didn’t lose his temper; he simply helped take the nail out and showed me a better technique. These are the kinds of situations that crew chiefs encounter all the time. The Spirit counsels patience and the only way that we can attain it is through prayer. In Ephesians, Paul counsels us to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.”

Finally, God has challenged me to be faithful. Going along with the theme for the week, flipped. God has flipped many of my expectations for the future. One of my best friends at school is dropping out to pursue a program in surgical technology. I’ll admit that this really shook me at first. I didn’t understand why this person in whom I placed so much value had to leave. I then realized that God is pushing me to trust in Him and no one else. He wants me to look beyond myself and what the repercussions are insomuch as they affect me and fix my gaze on Him alone. God simply tells to trust in Him and to lay our futures in His hands.

I’ll close with one of my favorite quotes by St. Francis de Sales which I actually have written down twice in my notebook: “Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or he will give you unfailing strength to bear it.”

This just makes me laugh. A lot.

2009-06-14T22:23:00.000-04:00

Thoughts on Impact and a Book Recommendation

2009-06-06T16:11:00.006-04:00

Where has this month gone? On Monday, I leave for Richmond where I will spend two weeks planning and prepping for the rest of the summer. Here is my itinerary:

June 8^th (Monday) - Arrive in Richmond

June 21^st (Saturday) – Depart for first Impact Virginia! week in Wise

June 27^th (Saturday) – Depart Wise for Bluefield

July 4^th (Saturday) – Return to Richmond

July 5^th – 8^th – A little break – if you leave Richmond you will need to return by the evening of the 8^th.

July 9^th – 10^th – Prepare for next projects

July 11^th – Depart for Impact! in Abingdon

July 18^th – Depart for Impact! in Eastern Shore

July 25^th – Return to Richmond

July 26^th – 30^th – Become staff for Impact Metro! project in Richmond

July 31 – August 3^rd – Clean up, pack up, debrief, go home!

I'm really excited about everything God has planned for me this Summer. In a very strange way, it feels like Summer hasn't really officially started because I haven't left for Impact yet. Sometimes I get a bit nervous thinking about all the unexpected parts of Impact and the fact that, since I've never done Impact before or even participated in it, what if I am woefully ill-equipped to handle challenges? I don't want to let my fellow staffers down or any of the youth and most importantly, I don't want to disappoint God in this task that He has set before me. I think my best kind of ministry is one-on-one so that is how I'm going to do it; just look for the most down-trodden kid there and make them feel important and loved.

I first learned this strategy from one of my favorite books, Christy, by Catherine Marshall; Christy is a schoolteacher in a rough backwoods mountainous region and one of the young girls, Mountie O'Teale, has a speech impediment. So Christy just does little things for her like sew buttons on her jacket and read to her and give her a red scarf. These tiny bits of attention help her to overcome her speech impediment. Also, I can't help but think of the passage in scripture that instructs us to not give the rich guest any special attention when he enters our house at the expense of the poor guest. We are to honor the poor guest as much, if not more than the rich guest. So, while financial success is not an issue among youth, being rich in talents and appearance can lead to favoritism. Something I refuse to succomb to.

Dear reader, if have time between reading Christy and my blog, please drop me a note this summer! I would love to hear from you, even if it's just a few lines.

My address in Richmond. Of course most of the summer I'll be elsewhere in Virginia but it will get to me!

2828 Emerywood Parkway, Richmond, VA 23294

P.S. I also would appreciate prayers for our ministry and for us to focus on others outside ourselves entirely.

Babies are Cute After All, like Puppies

2009-05-17T10:54:00.003-04:00

Sometime since I started college, I joined the band of those hesitant to have kids just because of the hinky dynamic that I seem to have when I try to interact with said kids. Now, I think I might be adjusting that opinion...some kids just have that effect on you. For instance, last night, I was privileged to babysit three adorable children. Okay, two were adorable; the third was easy to get along with and interested in me.

Apparently having a babysitter was a special occasion for them so they responded in typical kid fashion: going nuts. I told their parents that they were energetic, even enthusiastic! They understood the code though. The "baby" (a one-year-old) was exceptionally cute. Ryan would look at me with these wide innocent eyes and plump cheeks and say something which I could not understand in the least but would be adorable none the less because it has every aspect of baby babble with a few comprehensible words thrown in here and there. Catherine (age four, I think?) was just as precious. She was the most "enthusiastic." I wouldn't have minded if it hadn't bothered the oldest, Andrew, so much. They, in the same fashion as puppies, tumbled over each other and bounced and somersaulted all over the place with him barking at her every now and then to "stop!" or to "cut it out!"

I got a kick out of the questions that they, mainly Andrew, would ask me. He asked personal questions like, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I dubiously replied, "Not at the moment." He was pretty interested in the fact that I'm going to study abroad in England. "So she's going to live there?" He directed the question to his mom but since she was trying to head out the door to a wine and cheese tasting at the church with her husband, she replied, "yes, you can ask Claire all about that." Somehow, the conversation didn't turn in that direction again.

Exactly how does it feel when your brain melts?

2009-05-15T07:12:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty sure I have a good idea of how that feels since I finished my sophomore year. College pushes me to read difficult literature and exposes me to new concepts and worldviews; not that I change my own worldview entirely upon exposure but I certainly modify it to accommodate for the new ideas and/or information.

I will confess that I watched three straight hours of SNL clips on Hulu yesterday. Yes, I was entertained but I felt this wet sensation on my shoulders and promptly realized that my brain was leaking out of my ears and dribbling down my neck towards my shoulders. Twas a strange feeling to know that you are losing brain mass and the only thing that you can do is immerse yourself in deep philosophic literature. Did I do that? Nope. Instead, I watched The Office and 30Rock (which were hilarious!)

The whole trouble is setting deadlines for myself so that I can actually focus. When I took British Victorian Novel this past Spring, I had daily assignments for myself that I could feasibly reach in one day. Those little flourescent pink and green tabs kept me on track (for the most part) so that I was able to get the reading done. I was also pretty discouraged when I started reading The Shack a few days ago, got almost half of it done, and realized that I didn't think the book worth finishing. Its theology was just little too much like Oprah's for my tastes.

So, I examine my bookshelf to see what options I have. I could reread Christy by Catherine Marshall. Or, I could read any one of these options:

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
Emma by Jane Austen
Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

It would be nice just to know automatically which of these I would like to read most but alas, I am overloaded by quality literature and time to read said literature. I really would like to read Wilke Collins' The Moonstone but I had to leave it at Riverby Books in downtown Fredericksburg. Any opinions or suggestions are very welcome!

Until next time, dear reader.

LOVE STORY (Taylor Swift) meets VIVA LA VIDA (Coldplay) - Piano Cello - by Jon Schmidt

2009-05-04T14:44:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0v3d6SFcDys

Taylor Swift meets Coldplay. Thought this would be a good one to share!

Mmm, Finals, End of Year, all that Stuff

2009-04-30T01:18:00.002-04:00

Alas. I have arrived at the end of another beautiful academic year. Yes, dear reader, next year, I will officially be a JUNIOR and proud of it! Things I am looking forward to:

Studying abroad in Bath, England
Traveling a lot while abroad
Living in an apartment with two of my favorite people: KJo and Sadie
Junior Ring Week (we'll see how this one turns out...)
Rings!
Being done with almost all my Gen Eds (argh French, one more semester)
New freshman, not that I'm tired of the old ones but it is time for some fresh ones
Seeing what happens with the BCM and hopefully being instrumental in the changes that are coming
Opportunities for future classes with Rafferty, Lorentzen, Harding, and McAllister (yes, I am an English geek)
Autumn in Bath
Spring at UMW
Writing many letters and sending many postcards to friends back home (I'm so going to be broke from postage costs!)
Receiving letters from friends back home!
Going to see live soccer matches in England
Exploring the places where J.R.R Tolkien and C.S. Lewis and J.K. Rowling and Shakespeare and Jane Austen walked and...wrote (the geek has reappeared)
Talking to friends on skype
Growing in my relationship with Christ and learning more about Him and how He pervades my life.

So I guess this post hasn't really been about finals-- I got distracted. Instead of spending this time to reflect on the past few months, I look forward to the futures and all the possibilities therein.

My address in Bath is...
Claire Cecil
c/o Advanced Studies in England,
Nelson House
2 Pierrepont Street
Bath BA1 1LB, England

The Importance of Being...Studious?

2009-04-26T11:41:00.003-04:00

Where to begin? I really don't like to complain, mainly because I can't stand hearing others complain but (and I know this doesn't justify complaining here but--) why does it have to be so darn beautiful the weekend before final exams?!?

Even as I sit here desperately trying to work, hence the blogging, I can't help but look out the window that my desk faces at the idyllic scene. I've found myself using that word quite frequently of late: "oh look at that idyllic spot over there," I said yesterday to my friend Liz. Apparently, I did not notice the little colored landscaping markers that also dotted the scene which she so kindly pointed out to me. I only saw the dappled light streaming through the branches onto the verdant green grass and the blossoms on the trees undulating in the breeze. I try not to notice all the scantily clad young women who trounce around out campus in bikini's. Bikini's, for crying out loud! The only way to show more flesh is to be naked.

So yesterday I did approximately no work. Sometimes I pretended to do work which counts for some individuals. But now, I am at a point where I need to study...for French. French is a language that I actually enjoy learning about and there are some aspects of its grammar that I find fun but I do not enjoy being tested on it. Tests imply that you know every nuance of every grammatical exception which I find hard to cram into my brain. Hence the studying. And the blogging.

I saw The Importance of Being Earnest for the first time the other day and I can't think of many other movies that have made me laugh that hard! I really want to read the play now...no, must focus! Anyways, I brought that up so I could preface the clever quote from that movie and include it in my blog:
"Lady Bracknell: To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness."

[and one more for kicks]
Jack: Good heavens, I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden.
Algy: But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins!
Jack: I said it was perfectly heartless of YOU under the circumstances. That is a very different thing.
Algy: That may be, but the muffins are the same!

I love procrastinating with my blog

2009-03-29T19:27:00.002-04:00

The weather today has been nothing short of gorgeous:

The blossoms on the trees are ripe and flutter down like snow.
When the breeze draws through the branches, it tenderly caresses every bough.

(the rhyming was unintentional, I swear!)

When I Go Down

2009-03-28T17:20:00.003-04:00

Ever heard of last.fm? It's basically my source of music and oftentimes, inspiration. I like to listen to "Jon Foreman" radio because I get to listen to a vast array of both Christian and secular artists. Also, it isn't really that mainstream typical music that you would hear on the radio. I like being exposed to the atypical music; it keeps me from becoming jaded. If you see me sitting at my computer with my headphones on, doubtless, I am listening to last.fm. (Note: I was not paid for this advertisement but if executives of this website happen to see this post, I take cash and personal checks paid out to "Claire Cecil".)

Here is a song that really struck me that I hadn't ever heard before with commentary in italics:

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I can totally relate to the last two lines of this song. I really am powerless to dictate my own moods. External circumstances cast a shade over every glimmer of happiness and then-- I realize, happiness is not my object in life. If it was...no, I'm just glad it isn't. I seek JOY and it is my certainty in my God that gives me this.

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

This oftentimes is how I deal with problems; I ignore them and they fester and worsen. I'm not really sure how to resolve conflict because I really don't like confrontation. I do pray that they would just disappear but that's not resolution.

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If only I had fought them. Regret can be overwhelming. It consumes our present and makes the pain so much more poignant.

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

Thank God for peace...

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

I really have thrown away so many friendships. While I often feel regretful over this, God never intends for us to wallow in our wretchedness. He has redeemed us from that!

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

God's love is more powerful than anything else. He lifts me out of the pit!

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

On blogging

2009-03-24T09:28:00.004-04:00

Now, since I have prefaced the title of this post with an ambiguous "On blogging," I am now at liberty to take it wherever my heart so desires. What does my heart desire, you ask? (If you didn't ask that question then you have my permission to stop reading this now, no really, stop.)

In my creative writing, non-fiction class yesterday, we spent most of class just talking and since I'm pretty sure I have the most hilarious professor in the world, I had a brilliant time.
Things we discussed:

How there is a romance novel called Bachelor on the Prowl in which there is a character called Colin Rafferty, yes that is my professor's name. Then, the best part is that a middle aged female classmate of mine piped up with a "oh I thought your name sounded familiar!"
We watched a Spanish voice-over of the sham-wow commercial and that launched us into a discussion about the economy. Colin, the eternal optimist, said that he thinks the economy is getting better because he found spare change on the road again. "Who picks up pennies? Me and a bunch of seventy-year-old's."
We also watched a Fragglerock you-tube video with some random song playing; I think it was "Who Let the Dogs Out." Because Muppets (or whatever these things are called) can only form the vowel sounds, we project whatever other sounds that we hear onto them. Yes, I know, brilliant! The male classmates to my left were astonished to find out that I never watched Fragglerock (or whatever) as a child. I lived in a box.
Somehow, we launched into a discussion about spam e-mails from Nigerian princes and how (those this fact is unverified) there is money set aside in the national budget for this scam. All I could think about was that line from 30Rock where Tracy Jordan says, "Now that we've helped those Nigerian princes..." It comes really quickly but if you catch it, it's hilarious!
Then, logically, we discussed identity theft. Colin told us how he had his credit card number stolen when he stayed at a DaysInn in Charlotte, NC ("the armpit of the south," he was kidding.) He got the bill and after the charge for the hotel, there were hundreds of dollars of ChinaStar charges. Yikes.
Somewhere in this conversation, we also discussed his contract renewal which decides if he gets to teach at UMW in the future. For his sake as well as the sake of future students, I hope it gets renewed.

So, you may be asking yourself, what the crap? Why would they waste all that class time? Well, whenever we have a class that is set up in that way, there is always a point. He was literally illustrating the concept of the personal essay which can be about whatever we want it to be about, as long as it's interesting. Everything in an essay of this nature must be correlated; hence the conversation we had in class. It seemed very random but in reality, it was all connected somehow.

Every subject that was brought up was connected in some way to the subject before it. I titled this post, "On blogging" to show an example of a title of a personal essay. It could be "On noses" or "On women's basketball." I shall end with a sigh and an expressed wish to have Colin Rafferty as my professor, well, forever!

I think it's finally over

2009-03-08T09:12:00.002-04:00

My birthday, that is. Last night, Katie and I were finally able to dig in to the coconut cake that I had made the day before. Pretty sad that I had to make my own b-day cake-- Well, that's not true, this is my second cake since the church that brought 5Alive dinner brought me a cake as well. I guess I'm spoiled afterall!

Prayer request: Patrick is still in the hospital and it looks like he's going to be there through Tuesday. Prayers are greatly appreciated!

Obama came to visit Walter Reed the other day on the floor directly above Patrick. Despite our general disgust for the mans politics, we still think it's pretty cool that the President was so close by...

The Mission Trip to D.C. went very well. I have to say it was the most unique MT that I have ever taken. Eric, the one who coordinated the activities for the week, was trying to show us the diversity of mission work and that it's not just getting your fingernails dirty, it's about serving in any capacity, even through the Legislature!

The good. The bad. And the-- yeah, yeah, you get the point.

2009-02-19T21:50:00.005-05:00

Here are a few updates in my life (after all, that's part of the reason why this blog exists, right? Th other reason is to make a record of all the jokes that aren't really funny but need a home anyways) :

While things are starting to speed up in terms of school work (midterms and papers, ach), other things are starting to wind down. It's hard for me to articulate exactly what I mean by that but I'm just feeling a general stupor draw over many aspects of my life. Much of that stupor is intentional but some I've just stumbled into without meaning to at all...

I have heard back from YouthWorks and they have decided not to hire me. Rather than be in a state of denial about the whole thing, I've decided that it's healthier to trust in my heavenly Father who has a purpose and a plan for every second of time that He has allowed me to be on this earth. So, I'm not denying that this news was very upsetting and disconcerting but it's obvious that God does not intend for me to spend my summer that way. He's shown me time and again that when one seemingly perfect "plan" goes awry, He has another far better plan already in the works.

The result of this news? I am applying to many scholarships right now to alleviate some of the excess that study abroad will incur. I am very excited about that season in my life! It's impossible for them to not accept me into the program...after all, they ask, will you shell over loads of cash towards our program? Yes. You're in. And that's how it works.

One last thing. My 20th birthday is next week! This may seem like good news. Ladies and gentlemen are riveted to their seats kind of news but alas, my birthday falls during midterms. Hoorah! Not really... I myself have a paper due the following day and a midterm the day after that. I'm starting to wonder if I really have time to celebrate at all... Oh well, it's not like I'm turning 21 or anything important like that!

This is one of those "God Rocks" kinds of posts

2009-02-10T14:07:00.004-05:00

I am truly in awe of everything that God is doing in my life. He has given me peace about so many things:

1) Katie M. becoming a Christian. This is something that I saw as part of a vague, distant future but for it to happen last night (I'm really regretting not skipping the SYE meeting to go) at the Revival is incredible. This means I officially have a new sister! I want to get to know her more as a person (not because she's now a Christian) but because I think she's a pretty great gal!

2) This one is still a work in progress: YouthWorks. Yes, I am still in the process of waiting to find out whether or not I'm hired but God is giving me peace about the whole thing. Regardless of what happens, I know that God has a great plan for me this summer and will use me wherever He puts me. I'm still experiencing some anxiety (kind of like the anxiety you got when you were waiting for college acceptance/rejection letters) but slowly God is taking that anxiety and turning it into a greater sense of trust in His perfect plan.

3) I finally have been consistent with my QT's. This is not really a normal thing for me because it was never really been part of my Christian education (Sunday School and confirmation). I'm not saying that I don't incorporate prayer into my life on a daily basis but when prayer is not accompanied by God's word, it becomes very shallow and self-centered. I'm reading a few Psalms every night; not in any particular order but whatever part of Psalms I happen to flip open to, I read. His word pierces me and convicts me every time. A few verses from Psalms that especially stood out to me are:

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;
all those who practice it have a good understanding.
His praise endures forever!
Psalm 111:10

Know that the Lord, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his; [or and not we ourselves]
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Psalm 100:3

Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.
Psalm 96:6

Take a few moments to reflect on these verses and thank God for who He is because after all, God rocks!

WHY am I such an idiot? (Please don't disagree with me here)

2009-02-08T18:40:00.003-05:00

So I think I might have set a record today; at least for myself. I broke not one but two phones in the course of three hours. Here's what happened (I sound like Monk when I say that...). I was thinking about how I was expecting a call on my cell phone on Monday to found out if I'm hired for my summer job when it hit me. My phone is currently in the spin cycle of the washing machine.

I race downstairs hoping to prove myself wrong but instead I'm confirmed in my suspicions. I reach inside the washer, pull out the phone that is making a loud humming noise and proceed to open it up. Of course it's waterlogged and when I press the ON button, the screen flashes at me as if lightening is caught inside.

"MOM..." I wail in despair " I think I broke my phone," showing her the phone that is now buzzing even louder. "Take the battery out and let it dry. I've dropped many a phone in the toilet and all it takes is waiting for it to dry out." I take the battery out of the phone and the humming ceases at least then flinging the phone onto the desk, I sigh in defeat.
"Annie has that phone that Jessica just gave her. It has a keypad and everything." 'Hm.' I think 'one of Jessica's cast-offs...this has potential.' Jessica is the type of girl whose phone is replaced by her parents about every three to six months. She decks it out with ringtones, backgrounds, you name it, she has it.

Mom tells me that it's in Annie's room somewhere. I head upstairs to her room to look for it. After plundering her drawers in the search, Mom finds it on the table in the upstairs hallway. I seize it my hands. It's even better than I imagined it. This phone has dozens of ring tones (a few that I actually like but the fact that it can make noise when people call is what fascinates me; my old lemon that just took a ride in the washing machine became incapable of ringing about a week after I got it.)

I start fiddling with the settings and the keypad that pulls out and the backgrounds. The phone also came with two protective "skins"; one red and one black. Since the phone has a few minor scratches on it, I try out the red skin first. That's when I decide that black would probably look better. However, I can't get the first skin off at all. I practically rip off my fingernails in the process of trying to get the darn thing off and the bottom half eventually does come off. The top half is more difficult. Straining with my nails and pushing against the phone's screen is too much for it. The screen cracks from the inside...'Oh no, I'm screwed.'

Yes, I will spare my readers from the drama that inevitably follows an event such as this. Annie yelling at me, me internally yelling at myself...so on and so forth...

I did however purchase a new phone for myself because Annie at least has a phone at present and I do not. Some things take precedence. I ordered it off ebay and just hope and pray that it works. Here's a picture:

They won't even see it coming

2009-02-04T18:34:00.004-05:00

The cockroaches I mean. Just yesterday, I was minding my own business (reading Bleak House, of course) when a creature of magnificent proportions scuttled across the floor of my dorm room. I freaked out. Yes, the girlish scream and the standing on furniture and all that. This is the same girl who used to go kill the evil crickets for my older sister when we were younger. Maybe it's just the fact that cockroaches are really, really icky (for lack of a more apt word). This one, whom I have named King Creeper III, had the nerve to come out in full daylight into the very center of the carpet!

So amidst my screaming and Ashley (my roommate) telling me to calm down, it scuttles off to the edge of the carpet. Ashley, cup in hand, tells me grab a paper so that she can capture the thing. THIS IS WAR. There are no prisoners of war in this battle; I want blood. I grab part of the worship bulletin from Sunday's service at New Life, hand it to her, and she approaches the King slowly...that's when he scurries away into Ashley's closet. EW. So I'm tricked into thinking that the pestilence is contained...WRONG. I'm told later that cockroaches can easily creep underneath doors or any small entrance. Oh yeah, to make things even better, I'm told that for every cockroach you see, there are about 60-1,000 of his friends who are also making their residence close by.

As I write this, I am furiously stamping my feet and have all the lights on because according to my research, cockroaches don't like light or noise. You can imagine how much I was stamping when I was actually conducting the research and looking at the pictures and learning their habits (whoever said that these critters are clean creatures lied; they are not).

I have a solution; much akin to the Final Solution but with a much better end in mind. I found (also on wikipedia) a trap that is really inexpensive to make called the Vegas roach trap: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegas_roach_trap I can't wait to finish eating the pickles I have in the fridge so I can actually make one.

ARGH. How did I let myself get here? I need to read 70 pages of Bleak House tonight! Yikes and good night.

Church Shopping

2009-01-27T07:52:00.002-05:00

The sanctuary is already warm from all the people crammed together; it seems closer when you notice all the wide gestures and people scrambling to find seats near their family and friends. They are laughing and the band has already begun to play praise and worship music; you can hear the flute mingling with the piano and the drums. Then, the pastor leaps on to the raised platform; his face is flushed and you can tell that he’s trying to draw everyone’s attention to the front. At first, they ignore him and continue to talk; then, finally, when he folds his hands together and starts to rock on his heels, the murmurs cease and the praise music draws to a close as well. He scans the audience quickly and thunders out, “Welcome to New City Fellowship!” You wonder why you are sitting in the seat by the aisle directly in the center of the room when he asks all first time visitors present to stand up. A woman with an enormous grin stretched across her face hands you a navy blue folder and shakes your hand. Blushing, you accept the folder and sit down as quickly as courtesy requires.

Shopping for a new church never fails to be a humiliating experience. In their hurry to welcome you, they invite you to dinners and a bible study that just started and smile at you. A lot. In other words, they expect you to stick around; they expect you to make a commitment. Yep, you got it, the c-word. Joining a church or regular attendance at a church is like signing a contract. Not the typical kind of contract that you would see in a housing agreement but a contract in which you are making an emotional agreement. They expect to see you at least once a week and learn about who you are and what God is teaching you in your life. You’ve done this before at other churches though or at least you’ve tried to. There was that Lutheran church freshman year which you had no transportation to or friends attending; then there was that one Sunday at Grace Church (way too Pentecostal for your tastes); then there was the Fairview Baptist Church downtown which you liked but when it split into two churches, you left with your friends; then there was Spotswood, a mega-church with an awesome Sunday school teacher, when he left, things just went downhill from there; then finally, here you are, church shopping once again (or as your friend Ryan says in his lisping voice, “Now I have to go church shopping instead of club hopping!” You don’t really get it either).

Praise and worship is at its peak. The pianist sways a bit to the music as if she is caught in some kind of invisible current. You are surprised by the diverse music selection as you attempt to sing a song in Swahili. They are all so enthusiastic. You notice this one woman who is standing in the row of chairs near the front; she has on a tailored white suit and her dark hands are lifted high in worship. Sunlight that is streaming in through the glass door in the front of the sanctuary lends a somewhat ethereal light to her figure. You sense peace and joy in this congregation. When Pastor Bob Becker mounts the raised platform at the front to deliver the sermon, “Our Obedience and Fearing God,” his gray-brown mustache quivers with excitement. Several times during the sermon, he calls out, “Can I get an amen to that?” and several members of the congregation eagerly pipe up, “Amen!” the more eager ones adding a “Hallelujah” to that.

There was a study done a while back which concluded that one individual can only form meaningful relationships with seven other people at one time. Joining a church is the equivalent of attempting to establish meaningful relationships with about three times what the study concluded. Of course, the only meaningful relationship that the church serves to facilitate is the one with Christ but then you have to add all the people who make up the congregation into the equation. Gandhi understood what makes it so complicated, “Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Learning to accept that humans are prone to err in this life is difficult; thus you shop for church that is “perfect,” an impossible task you realize as the pastor stands once again on the raised platform after you and the rest of the congregation have finished singing “Power in the Blood.” He lifts wide his hands and extends an invitation to those who need prayers of healing to stay in the sanctuary at the service’s conclusion. You never thought about becoming a Presbyterian before but after this morning, you are considering it.

a "clean" joke

2009-01-21T17:59:00.001-05:00

The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:

"I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence.

As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the flight attendants began to look concerned.

Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't know...do something religious?'"

"So I took up a collection."

This is definitely a hardy har har moment but I enjoyed it!

How do you Know You’re Meeting a Crazy? You Don’t

2009-01-19T15:30:00.001-05:00

Astronauts are the modern scientific celebrities of our time. They are the explorers into new terrains; they are the delegates of their country, the flag bearers, and the heroes. They go into space with no guarantee of ever coming back; we were reminded of that by the 1986 Space Shuttle Challenger crash, a disaster that resulted in the deaths of seven crew members. That in mind, astronauts perhaps can even be seen as dare devils. Six-year old “Tommy” says he’s going to be Evel Knievel when he grows up; “Michael”, Tommy’s friend, says he’s going to be Neil Armstrong (as if to one-up Tommy.) For whatever reason, almost everyone, at some point in their childhood, fantasizes about joining these elite ranks. Now to meet one of these heroes is almost like meeting a celebrity on the red carpet; a moment to glimpse and perhaps even talk to someone who had seen Earth as a god would, a large bluish green marble fired from somewhere in the eternal distance that is the universe. I stumbled into one of these meetings but little did I know what was to come a few weeks after that evening with the astronaut, Lisa Nowak.

My older sister, Kelly, had invited me to the National Women Service Academy Conference sometime in December or January of my senior year of high school. Kelly was in her “plebe” year at the United States Military Academy and since she had spent the previous year at a prep school in Marion, Alabama, our opportunities to spend time together were few. The conference brought female cadets from all of the service academies to Washington D.C. to hear the inspiring story of a graduate of the Naval Academy, attend a banquet, and escape for a little while from the regimen and structure that is Academy life. Kelly and I saw it as a means of seeing each other so I, a suburbanite of the metropolitan area, braved the traffic of I-95 in order to attend the conference and spend some time with my sister.

The conference took place at a new museum erected in order to honor women who have served in the armed forces. There, surrounded by busts of female soldiers who died in the line of duty, we ate crab cakes, salad, rolls, and cheesecake for dessert. A sea of women in uniform were our dinner companions. Many times that night, I was asked, “So are you going to West Point as well?” I just bit my lip to force back a sharp retort. I had heard that question many times before and it never ceased to irritate me. My dad is a West Point graduate of the class of 1979 and every time I’d reveal that to someone, the next question that they would pose to me, the high school senior, would inevitably be, “So are you going to West Point as well?” I would then shake my head emphatically, my grin a mask to the vexation that I really felt; I didn’t want to be rude.
The speaker that evening was Lisa Nowak, the much-admired U.S. Naval Academy graduate turned astronaut. I was looking forward to her speech as I sat down in the small, dark auditorium next to my sister. She stepped onto the stage with a confident smile and waved to the audience. Our applause died away as she stood at the podium, poised to speak. If I remember correctly, she spoke about her career, her experience as an astronaut, something about female heroism (considering the audience was largely comprised of females), and her close knit family life. I was entranced by this woman’s confidence; her hands would often pound the podium for emphasis and she seemed to be making eye contact with everyone in the room at once.

I often wondered if she was aware that just by being an astronaut, she was a celebrity, one I was determined to meet. Her speech ended, everyone applauded and stood up to leave. I grabbed Kelly’s hand and weaved my way delicately through the crowd; it’s not the easiest thing in the world to maneuver through a crowd in a khaki skirt and dress shirt. Finally we made it to the front. There was already a line formed of people waiting to speak to her. I was a bit impatient while we stood there, not wanting to lose this rare opportunity. When it was Kelly and I’s turn at last, I mutely held out the large glossy photo of her in her astronaut’s uniform which had somehow found its way into my hands. She signed it in large black scrawl and handed it back to me. I managed to stammer out, “it-it’s such an honor to meet you. I’m so inspired by your story.” My cheeks were flaming and for some reason that I can’t explain, my hands were shaking as well. I don’t remember exactly what she said but it was surprisingly dismissive. I felt embarrassed and a bit humiliated. I don’t say this to villanize her considering the aftermath of our meeting but I simply mean to describe to the fullest extent, our brief exchange.

A few weeks or maybe even a month after the conference, news headlines raged about a U.S. astronaut who had driven across the country wearing the diapers that astronauts wear during take-off and landing to kidnap a love rival. That astronaut was Lisa Nowak. My government teacher, Mr. Prowell, had a good long rant about how this is another indicator of the state of the world. In his lisping voice, he came to the conclusion that our puritanistic morals have created a rigid code of behavior that dictates what is and isn’t acceptable in our society (or something like that.) By this time, Lisa Nowak had national infamy. I reluctantly admitted that I had met her a few weeks prior to a few people and that I even had her autographed photo. That photo looks remarkably different from the one that was featured next to all the headlines: her hair mousy and disheveled, her forehead deeply creased, and no smile on her lips. I don’t know why she did what she did but I will say this, I did not see this coming. I will end with a fine maxim: how do you know you’re meeting a crazy? You don’t.

The long awaited Germany recap

2009-01-03T21:44:00.001-05:00

Yes, I know that I have procrastinated on blogging about my trip to Germany over Christmas. I guess I saw it as a benediction of sorts on my entire winter break respite (yes, I am aware of how redundant that is) and I knew how much I have to say!

Anyways, I've been sitting here for about 4 hours working on my application for my summer job; I'm applying to work for YouthWorks (http://www.youthworks.com/about/index.asp) and these questions are not easy. Once I know what I want to say, I'm done within a matter of minutes but I spend quadruple that amount of time figuring out what that is. For instance, the question I am currently stumped on is: "
Tell us about the hardest experience you had working with an individual or group of people. What did you learn about yourself?" See what I mean? They're asking for the hardest experience; not just describe a difficult experience but the hardest. I guess in order to break the writer's block or in this case, thinker's block, I just need to write; thus, I am blogging.

Germany was wirklich schrecklich! (I cheated by looking up "really awesome" on a free translator site) However, the trip also had some "meh" moments and some "ugh" moments (I find that sounds are more descriptive than words sometimes). For one thing, having a dad who is active military was very helpful in our adventure. I call it an adventure because that's how we justified all the times that we got lost.

Because my dad is active duty military, we were able to "MAC", aka, fly military air which I can't say is the most comfortable experience but it was free! On the way there, the plane was more conventional and more passenger oriented. It had normal seats like a commercial jet. Just like on a commercial jet, the seats in the very back of the plane(to explain, the back is the front because you are literally flying backwards) don't recline. Try sitting ramrod straight for 8 and a half hours with your two younger siblings sprawling over you as if you are a mattress. That's what I did. I regret allowing Patrick to choose where we sat. To top that off, the heating system on the plane went bonkers for the first 20 minutes of the flight; they fixed it after we had all but stripped down to our underwear.
The flight back was...different. We were seated in the large cavernous body of the plane in seats lined up along the walls. We saw that people had sleeping bags and mats and that didn't make sense until we were allowed to take off their seatbelts and they snuggled up all cozy...I sound very jealous now and I don't intend to. My coat was a very comfortable mattress; it didn't quite protect me from the frigid floor of the plane but it was enough. (On a side note, I had a very frightening and vivid dream that I ate a cockroach that crawled across the floor of the plane. I woke up intending to tell someone then realizing that the plane was too loud for anyone to hear anyways and we were all asleep wearing earplugs.) The one redeeming part of this flight was when I visited the cockpit. It was night and we were flying over London. It felt as if we were in the stars as they were so bright and so close. You could also see the lights of the city below...it was a pretty spectacular sight. Maybe enough to justify joining the Air Force (don't tell my dad I said that).

I don't want to wear my reader out before I actually get into describing the German experience so I'll begin by describing my first impressions of this fair land. They seem to care a lot about being good stewards of the environment. I saw dozens of power generators which looked like giant windmills and smartcars and those solar panels. Their houses are built of more solid materials; their building standards are much more stringent than the cardboard boxes that are mass produced in the US. Maybe it's for the sake of their tourist industry; they'd rather their houses look picturesque than affordable. I saw a lot of the German road system. Hello autobahn! That part was a bit terrifying. There, everyone actually drives in the right lane and passes on the left. Bizarre! We did see the remains of an accident that was being cleaned up; from what I saw, the accident was quite gruesome but they cleaned it up within the hour, now that is efficiency!

We saw lots of the same Christmas rush in Germany in the Christmas markets. For a country that is so fervently socialist, they sure have the same capitalist impulses to sell overpriced items to a willing public. We bought some ridiculously overpriced chocolate that ended up tasting like plastic, mmmm. I got to sample gluwein as well which is basically hot wine. Note: I am not turning into an alcoholic. I did get beer at restaurants only to realize that by the end of the trip that I don't really like beer; I just like the novelty of legally drinking an alcoholic beverage.

Some of the details of the specific names of cities and cathedrals and castles that we saw are a bit blurred but I do vividly remember the experience. We got to visit Trier first which is one of the oldest cities in Germany. There, we got to explore some Roman ruins and aquaducts of the Roman baths. I even got to pose for a picture next to a giant foot. My family and I traversed to the top of the "Porta Nigra" or the"Black Gate" which was some really old Roman city gate. Once at the top, we got a pretty good view of the Christmas market down below. Here in this city we saw a cathedral which supposedly had Jesus' robe...with the language barrier, sometimes it's hard to be sure. However, there was a children's choir who was practicing for a Christmas performance; with the acoustics and again, the language barrier, it was a beautiful performance.

Strasbourg, France was another stop we made in our adventure. Yes, I know that that is exiting the realm of Germany but this is a part of France deeply influenced by Germany enough for us to avoid making it a category in and of itself. After driving around for what seemed like forever (apparently Europeans don't believe in parking), we were able to mill around in a "Marche de Noel" or a French Christmas Market! Finally, a chance to flex my language muscles! I failed. I approached a shop owner, postcard in hand, and said, "Je voudrais acheter ce carte postale." He responds in English saying that it is half a
€0.40. I valiantly ignore my sister, Annie, who is shaking with laughter at this point. He asks me if I am a student and I tell him that I am just traveling with my family. I did get to successfully ask in French for a crepe later. Maybe that redeems my prior embarrassment.
Our family also visited the Marksburg castle of the Rhine Valley region. Eventually, we were able to secure a guide who would lead the tour in English (we almost had to go on the tour led entirely in French, I might have enjoyed that despite my limited competence). While we were waiting, we encountered a few billy goats. Patrick enjoyed feeding them grass and gum but something about their eyes scared me. The tour of the castle was really interesting despite Patrick asking the tour guide irritating questions about rats and the black plague. It must have been really uncomfortable to live there though despite the mass amount of servants always at your disposal. Supposedly, "Jillian" joined us for the tour. I denied the likeness but the backpacker girl did share a certain resemblance...

Christmas Eve was a more chill-lax day. I got to visit the Landstuhl castle which was mostly ruins but it had this eerie quality to it; mythical even, like the forests were populated with elves that were there but we just couldn't see them. I enjoyed looking at the exercise instruction boards (we have these in the US) because they demonstrated all sorts of exercises that involved Nordic poles (I was right about this trend in Europe!) We went to an evening service at the North Chapel on base; it was a wonderful service but I was kind of distracted by all the adorable babies who were also in attendance. I know they didn't intend to be distracting but they were just so darn cute!

Now, Christmas day was unlike any I have ever celebrated before. We went to Rothenburg which is normally known for its massive Christmas market. Not on Christmas day though. Compared to its normally frantic state, it was a graveyard. We enjoyed walking around the city without the crowds and clambering around on the walled part (after all, it is known as the "walled city"). For much of the trip we relied on Rick Steve's travel guide which of course, we check out from the library. It advised us to not eat these pastry "snowball" things which he said were overpriced and disgusting. Well, what did we do? As soon as we spotted a shop that was open, we were eager to go inside and buy whatever they were offering! Rick Steves was right. The Crime and Punishment museum was also open so we got to go inside and witness the medieval horrors. Besides displaying methods of torture used in the medieval period, there was much history to read about as well. I enjoyed reading about and looking at the chastity belts; those would definitely qualify as a means of torture and have historical merit. I also enjoyed seeing the means of punishing students in the classroom. They actually had little scale models of classrooms so that you could see little models in tiny prisons and sitting on a wooden donkey and so on.

The Mosel River Valley was quite astonishing. It was a clear but cold day so we could see the entirely valley displayed before us in Beilstein. Picturesque is probably a very feeble description of the beauty of that region. Of course there was a castle here too but it was closed for the winter. Conveniently enough (for Dad, Annie, and Patrick), the German owners were there so while Mom and I were finding a bathroom (along with parking spots, Europeans also don't believe in supplying the public with places to relieve ourselves), they got a private tour of the castle! Possibly my favorite part of the trip was the next town we visited in this same region, Burg Eltz. While it was quite a hike in order to access the castle, the hike was worth it. Surrounded by mountains, this castle probably topped them all.

We spent our nights and evenings in Air Force Inn rooms which were spacious and included kitchenettes so we could provide ourselves with our own dinners which we ofter did! I don't have much to say about the food of Germany because we did picnics out of the trunk of the car quite often (every day) and they love their pork. Annie and Patrick were addicted to this "spezi" drink that was basically coke and fresca mixed together.

I am running out of steam as I write this but I feel better having written something even though it wasn't the answer to that application question!

Finals Woes turned Christmas Rant

2008-12-08T13:03:00.004-05:00

I have a confession to make, it is my sophomore year of college and I've never really learned how to study. Thankfully this has never been a problem in the past but now that I look around and everybody else seems to be studying, I'm thinking I should probably start.
Maybe it's a motivation issue...or possibly a laziness issue. I think I can pin it on the fact that I don't really know how to study for an English exam. French is a little more clear cut but seriously, I am way behind the power curve (like the power curve is at the front of the line at Walmart on Black Friday and I'm hovering in the parking lot somewhere waiting for the madness to be over).

Speaking of Walmart, Christmas shopping anyone? The whole concept makes me frustrated anyway. I think Jake would second me on this: the world has kidnapped Christmas and perverted it into some "holiday" excuse to get stuff. I shouldn't be surprised; the very nature of the world is evil and perversive.
Santa has become some sort of icon of generosity and selflessness and in a sense, has replaced the one who gave up the kingdom of heaven to come give His life for a bunch of undeserving shmucks! He became one of us (though He is God at the same time) and accepted all our human limitations like the fact that we don't just pop out the ground like a bunch of daisies; we have to grow into adulthood. He did that! His cradle was a lowly food trough for animals in a stable in a city in the middle of nowhere! The "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6) has been replaced on the fronts of greeting cards by a jolly old man who did live a pretty selfless life, relatively speaking. All I have to say here is, (as Sam so delicately put it) what the crap?!

Even the name, Christmas, is being replaced by euphemisms such as "holiday celebration" or "winter festival" or "kwanzaa"(which, in my opinion, is a made up holiday). For the sake of brevity, it is called "x-mas." This last one offends me probably more than any of the others. I've been told (by an intellectual no less) that the x does have some significance in the Greek language in that it means Christ but no one outside of the scholarly community is going to know this. The world has put a large red x over my Savior.

So that I don't appear to be too much of a wet blanket or according to the season, a scrooge, I shall participate in the festivities but I needed to get this rant out before it lands on the next person who asks me what I want for Christmas. Just, please, don't ask me to listen to "Jingle Bell Rock" with you, I might have a stroke.

The EPIC Tale of the Squirrel Creatures

2008-11-30T23:20:00.007-05:00

Many stories are passed down orally from generation to generation but this one probably won't be so I'll write it down for kicks!

Once upon a time in the weekend after Thanksgiving, there were many rodent-like, fat, furry squirrels that inhabited the expanse of land that was called Backyard. They climbed trees all day long eating nuts and scaring away any birds that might visit this land. Terrifying creatures they were with their long fluffy tails and sharp white teeth. A particularly favorite treat of theirs was birdseed. It was like ambrosia to them; they were willing to climb great heights to find it (literally).

The Cecil clan who provided this fair land with bird seed saw the squirrels eat the entire supply with rising dismay and anger! What greedy creatures to steal anothers food! So, the Cecils devised a plan to prevent the thieves from ever stealing bird seed again. They cleverly moved the bird feeder from the tree on which it was residing to a shepherd's crook in another part of Backyard far away from any trees that could be used to access the seed. Content with this plan, the Cecils smirkingly left watch of the fair land.

Annie, the youngest daughter in the clan, still kept watch however. Good thing she did because the next hour, a daring squirrel had shimmied its way up the crook using its tail for balance and triumphed at the top. Then, it swung its body down into a position where it could reach the bird feeder and greedily gobble up seed. She quickly alerted the others and they rushed outside to scare away the pilfering squirrel using loud noise. They let the guard dog, Bingo, out to keep watch over the land. For the time that he was outside, the land was safe.

However, this could not last. The dog eventually had to come back into the castle for food and rest and the land was once again open to intruders. Squirrels once again raided the yard and made attempt after attempt at the bird feeder. Only slightly deterred by the clan who would scare them away in the same style as before; this soon became tiresome. The Cecil clan devised a second plan. The Wind Chimes of Wonder had to be fetched! Legend had it that they were lost somewhere in the land of Garage. Fetching them was not a task to be taken lightly. Feral cats inhabited this land and would not hesitate to attack if provoked. Claire, the second oldest daughter took on the task! She donned the shoes of protection to ward off the deathly cold in that land and started forth on her journey. After searching for what seemed like eons, she recovered the Chimes and then went back to the castle with the prize.

This time, she entered the land of Backyard with Bingo, the guard dog and the Wind Chimes. Squirrels squeaked angrily at her but she persisted and was successful in placing the Chimes on the shepherd's crook. With that beacon of protection, no squirrel would dare attempt to pilfer bird seed again. Claire and Bingo went back into the castle into a welcoming parade of the rest of the clan.

THE END.

This is what happens when I'm procrastinating from doing real work! ; )

2008-11-28T08:29:00.000-05:00

My wish list for Christmas:

It may be a little unrealistic but yep, this is what I want.

Oh yeah, I want to be in one of those chairs sipping an ice cold lemonade and reading a lovely book.

Peaceful serenity.

Here's a random poem for you...

2008-11-26T18:22:00.001-05:00

I thought about composing a structured poem about the dentist because that of course is funnier but I'm hardly that brilliant; here's a free verse poem instead:

The Dentist

Sitting in rows
of chairs lined up next to tables strewn with
magazines.
They call my name and I eagerly step forward;
Leading me briskly to a cubicle somewhere
in the back, the hygenist chats but
I am distracted by her pink and neon green
smock. A cleaning, she says;
I lean back and let her run instrument after
instrument through my teeth whirring
and polishing.
She continues to chat, telling me
about her son who has a 3.0 and turns
his nose up at the thought of going to NOVA.
It's so competitive out there, she says, I gargle
in agreement.
Shaking her head, she points at the dark spot on
number 13 (I assume that's one of my teeth) in
the x-ray. I floss everyday! My protest is
muffled by the cotton swabs cramming my cheeks.
The dentist comes in. He flashes me a handsome grin with
white teeth; he has a practice to keep after all.
Tutting at number 13, he tells his hygenist to take note of an
MO and some other secret code that I know not
how to decipher.
A cavity, he drums with gravity. I don't mind waiting so
I return to the waiting room with my goody bag
of floss that has fluoride in it.

If you have any critique on this, I would greatly appreciate it!

2008-11-25T20:50:00.000-05:00

So I'm home! Or am I home? I wonder if I'm at a point in my life where home is Mary Wash...so much to ponder.

We have feral cats living in our garage right now. They used to live on the streets and my mom's friend works with this program where they transition street cats into cats that can be adopted. Apparently, they smell because they..um...well I'm not going to say why but it's pretty obvious. Sense of discretion is paining me.

Thanksgiving is coming up and blah blah blah, it's about being thankful blah blah (we all know people stop reading once you start talking about being thankful or at least I do, that line is too hackneyed!) I'm looking forward to a break from studying and such. Break has barely started and here I am blathering about not studying. Ugh. This is not a break.

Oh, before I forget. I need everyone (if anyone) who reads this to sign this petition. It's all explained in this link but this is desperately important. This is mass genocide we're dealing with:
http://www.aul.org/FOCA

Good night for now!

2008-11-24T12:41:00.000-05:00

Wow, this blogging thing is addictive and fun! Let me reiterate what I said in my first post: I do not blog so that people know every obscure detail of my life (see facebook for that) but just to "scribble" down thoughts that I have or dreams that I don't want to forget.

I discovered something last night. When you eat dinner outside the Nest with no one in particular, you can have conversations with about eight different people by the time you've finished eating. It's like that speed dating set-up without time limits and imposed awkwardness. I guess I could get a reputation for doing this (maybe something along the lines of "that weird girl who always eats by herself") but I will choose to not care.

Praise and Worship last night was incredibly awesome; probably because we're praising an awesome God. No doubt. I particularly like the song, "Can't Get Away," so here are the lyrics:

"Can't Get Away"

I am an arrow, I am a rocket
I am a river and nothing can stop it
Cause You are the target and You are the atmosphere
You are the ocean that keeps pulling me, You're pulling me here

[Chorus:]
And I, can't get away, can't get away
Can't get away, can't get away
I can't get away, can't get away...I keep running into You
[repeat]

I am a beggar, You are the table
I am so helpless, God You are so able
And when I get turned around You change my direction
You're so perfect, I'm so broken, here You come with arms wide open
Chasing after me down every road
You're always waiting there

[Chorus]

Even when I close my eyes, I can't help but see
There's no place that I can hide, You're such a part of me
I can't get away cause I keep running into You
I can't get away...

[Chorus]

2008-11-23T17:53:00.000-05:00

That last post was kind of short so I'll just add another post here.

It's almost Thanksgiving and I am so ready to take a break (sort of). That break is compromised by the fact that I have to start studying for finals and clean the house but...no classes and no work.

I'm working on my art project now. The assignment is to create a book and the rest is up to interpretation. I wish he had given us more guidelines. Restrictions on an assignment somehow how me to be creative and know that my creativity is sanctioned by the professor. I will admit, I am very grade-oriented and I like to know if my idea is going to get me an A. I know that that motivation isn't very intellectual but I'm really only taking this class for a gen ed. In class, he said that he wants us to spend about THIRTY HOURS on this project. Seriously? It is implicit in the 1 part of 105 that it's meant to be a cake class. This is one of my most time-consuming classes of the semester and it hardly even matters!

Alright, I'm done venting. The assignment is somewhat exciting. I'm creating a tunnel book which should resemble this when I'm done:

2008-11-23T16:57:00.000-05:00

This is my first blog and I don't really care if anybody reads it. I find things online and I have random thoughts constantly that I can "store" here. Enjoy reading at your leisure!

Here's a Christian cartoon that's painfully corny but pretty meaningful when you think about it...