I love procrastinating with my blog

The weather today has been nothing short of gorgeous:

The blossoms on the trees are ripe and flutter down like snow.
When the breeze draws through the branches, it tenderly caresses every bough.

(the rhyming was unintentional, I swear!)

When I Go Down

Ever heard of last.fm? It's basically my source of music and oftentimes, inspiration. I like to listen to "Jon Foreman" radio because I get to listen to a vast array of both Christian and secular artists. Also, it isn't really that mainstream typical music that you would hear on the radio. I like being exposed to the atypical music; it keeps me from becoming jaded. If you see me sitting at my computer with my headphones on, doubtless, I am listening to last.fm. (Note: I was not paid for this advertisement but if executives of this website happen to see this post, I take cash and personal checks paid out to "Claire Cecil".)

Here is a song that really struck me that I hadn't ever heard before with commentary in italics:

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I can totally relate to the last two lines of this song. I really am powerless to dictate my own moods. External circumstances cast a shade over every glimmer of happiness and then-- I realize, happiness is not my object in life. If it was...no, I'm just glad it isn't. I seek JOY and it is my certainty in my God that gives me this.

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

This oftentimes is how I deal with problems; I ignore them and they fester and worsen. I'm not really sure how to resolve conflict because I really don't like confrontation. I do pray that they would just disappear but that's not resolution.

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If only I had fought them. Regret can be overwhelming. It consumes our present and makes the pain so much more poignant.

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

Thank God for peace...

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

I really have thrown away so many friendships. While I often feel regretful over this, God never intends for us to wallow in our wretchedness. He has redeemed us from that!

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

God's love is more powerful than anything else. He lifts me out of the pit!

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

On blogging

Now, since I have prefaced the title of this post with an ambiguous "On blogging," I am now at liberty to take it wherever my heart so desires. What does my heart desire, you ask? (If you didn't ask that question then you have my permission to stop reading this now, no really, stop.)

In my creative writing, non-fiction class yesterday, we spent most of class just talking and since I'm pretty sure I have the most hilarious professor in the world, I had a brilliant time.
Things we discussed:

• How there is a romance novel called Bachelor on the Prowl in which there is a character called Colin Rafferty, yes that is my professor's name. Then, the best part is that a middle aged female classmate of mine piped up with a "oh I thought your name sounded familiar!"
• We watched a Spanish voice-over of the sham-wow commercial and that launched us into a discussion about the economy. Colin, the eternal optimist, said that he thinks the economy is getting better because he found spare change on the road again. "Who picks up pennies? Me and a bunch of seventy-year-old's."
• We also watched a Fragglerock you-tube video with some random song playing; I think it was "Who Let the Dogs Out." Because Muppets (or whatever these things are called) can only form the vowel sounds, we project whatever other sounds that we hear onto them. Yes, I know, brilliant! The male classmates to my left were astonished to find out that I never watched Fragglerock (or whatever) as a child. I lived in a box.
• Somehow, we launched into a discussion about spam e-mails from Nigerian princes and how (those this fact is unverified) there is money set aside in the national budget for this scam. All I could think about was that line from 30Rock where Tracy Jordan says, "Now that we've helped those Nigerian princes..." It comes really quickly but if you catch it, it's hilarious!
  
• Then, logically, we discussed identity theft. Colin told us how he had his credit card number stolen when he stayed at a DaysInn in Charlotte, NC ("the armpit of the south," he was kidding.) He got the bill and after the charge for the hotel, there were hundreds of dollars of ChinaStar charges. Yikes.
• Somewhere in this conversation, we also discussed his contract renewal which decides if he gets to teach at UMW in the future. For his sake as well as the sake of future students, I hope it gets renewed.

So, you may be asking yourself, what the crap? Why would they waste all that class time? Well, whenever we have a class that is set up in that way, there is always a point. He was literally illustrating the concept of the personal essay which can be about whatever we want it to be about, as long as it's interesting. Everything in an essay of this nature must be correlated; hence the conversation we had in class. It seemed very random but in reality, it was all connected somehow.

Every subject that was brought up was connected in some way to the subject before it. I titled this post, "On blogging" to show an example of a title of a personal essay. It could be "On noses" or "On women's basketball." I shall end with a sigh and an expressed wish to have Colin Rafferty as my professor, well, forever!

I think it's finally over

My birthday, that is. Last night, Katie and I were finally able to dig in to the coconut cake that I had made the day before. Pretty sad that I had to make my own b-day cake-- Well, that's not true, this is my second cake since the church that brought 5Alive dinner brought me a cake as well. I guess I'm spoiled afterall!

Prayer request: Patrick is still in the hospital and it looks like he's going to be there through Tuesday. Prayers are greatly appreciated!

Obama came to visit Walter Reed the other day on the floor directly above Patrick. Despite our general disgust for the mans politics, we still think it's pretty cool that the President was so close by...

The Mission Trip to D.C. went very well. I have to say it was the most unique MT that I have ever taken. Eric, the one who coordinated the activities for the week, was trying to show us the diversity of mission work and that it's not just getting your fingernails dirty, it's about serving in any capacity, even through the Legislature!