When I Go Down

Ever heard of last.fm? It's basically my source of music and oftentimes, inspiration. I like to listen to "Jon Foreman" radio because I get to listen to a vast array of both Christian and secular artists. Also, it isn't really that mainstream typical music that you would hear on the radio. I like being exposed to the atypical music; it keeps me from becoming jaded. If you see me sitting at my computer with my headphones on, doubtless, I am listening to last.fm. (Note: I was not paid for this advertisement but if executives of this website happen to see this post, I take cash and personal checks paid out to "Claire Cecil".)

Here is a song that really struck me that I hadn't ever heard before with commentary in italics:

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I can totally relate to the last two lines of this song. I really am powerless to dictate my own moods. External circumstances cast a shade over every glimmer of happiness and then-- I realize, happiness is not my object in life. If it was...no, I'm just glad it isn't. I seek JOY and it is my certainty in my God that gives me this.

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

This oftentimes is how I deal with problems; I ignore them and they fester and worsen. I'm not really sure how to resolve conflict because I really don't like confrontation. I do pray that they would just disappear but that's not resolution.

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If only I had fought them. Regret can be overwhelming. It consumes our present and makes the pain so much more poignant.

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

Thank God for peace...

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

I really have thrown away so many friendships. While I often feel regretful over this, God never intends for us to wallow in our wretchedness. He has redeemed us from that!

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

God's love is more powerful than anything else. He lifts me out of the pit!

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again