Don't be fooled by the title of this post. The news to which I am referring is not life changing nor is it earth shattering (that might be an expression that I just made up). I am merely bringing up the sensation of receiving news of both natures in a very short period of time. Yes, that nauseating roller coaster sensation except instead of starting on the ground and shooting up into the air, receiving the good news first feels like you have started off somewhere in the sky and the bad news is what plummets you back to the ground. All you have left at the end of this roller coaster ride is queasiness in the pit of your stomach and breath caught in your chest, unable to fully exhale.
Shall I begin with the good news? I received a letter today from Brinker International, aka, Romano's Macaroni Grill. I was a hostess at this restaurant during my senior year of high school and into the summer. Anyways, the letter (which I no longer have in my possession since I put in in another envelope with my signature and blessings and posted immediately) said something to the effect of "we owe you $189 and some change, please provide your telephone number, and a signature and we'll mail it to you asap." YES. Normally I get things in the mail that ask me for money so it is a rare surprise for money to flow the other way towards me. With all the expenses of England coming up, this is a blessing to be certain! Thank you God for almost $200 that I didn't expect!
So with all good things in life, bad things always accompany (wow, this sounds pessimistic). The thorns with the roses, as they say--or do they? My sister called within five minutes of me finding out about this lost paycheck of mine to tell us that she's coming home early from training. I'd rather not go into the details of this in such a public setting but I will say that this will devastate my parents. Since I'm not really going to be home that much in this next month, I will probably not see her much. Does that sound callous? Yes, probably but it's impossible to relate our entire history in a blog. When I was younger, I would read The Sweet Valley High books--don't judge, that was quality literature back then-- and fantasize about what it would be like to have a sister that I actually got along with. Kelly and I get along better now that many, many miles separate us but we've never really had that wholesome relationship that encompasses long conversations, shared jokes, nights on the town (not that I really go out for many, if any, "nights on the town" but it was merely part of the illustration). Many of my friends do have very close relationships with their sisters and sometimes, I envy them.
God gives each of us different trials in our lives and to avoid the risk of merely throwing platitudes around, I shall not try to paint myself as some kind of brilliant heroine here. All too often, I take the "Jonah" approach to these trials and attempt to run from them, as far and as fast as possible. Some things are just too hard for me to face on my own so I don't even try to face them. They make me feel humiliated and embarrassed. Then again, maybe I need to lose some of my pride, some of this shiny veneer that I've caked around myself, or rather, the image that I project to the world. God will humble me; probably not in a way that I can control or anticipate but I can look to Him for strength to survive it. So many public figures crumble once that veneer is stripped away because there's nothing underneath. I could provide examples but we all can summon names if we tried.
I'm re-reading the Mitford series because I always find depth and richness even within the simple small-town setting. Anyways, Father Tim, the protagonist, finds this quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together:
"We prevent God from giving us the great spiritual gifts He has in store for us, because we do not give thanks for daily gifts. We think we dare not be satisfied with the small measure of spiritual knowledge, experience, and love that has been given to us, and that we must constantly be looking forward eagerly for the highest good. Then we deplore the fact that we lack the deep certainty, the strong faith, and the rich experience that God has given to others, and we consider this lament to be pious...Only he who gives thanks for little things receives the big things."
3 comments:
Hooray for money! That is a huge blessing, especially considering your smaller stipend this summer working with Impact Virginia. God provides... and then He provides some more.
He has even provided you with sisters who love you and care for you so much... and yes, I am talking about me and your other not-blood-related sisters. I know I am incredibly close to Rebecca, and I am so grateful for the strong bond we have with each other. But I don't value my sisterhood with her any more than I value my sisterhood with you. Family first, and you, dear Claire, are my family. We can find loving relationships in so many places, even if we don't find them in the places we seek most earnestly.
As for humility, yeah tell me about it. You hit the nail on the head. Humility is a tricky thing that we really can't manufacture on our own. There's an interesting quote I've read before: "When we become aware of our humility, we've lost it." --Anonymous
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's a basic point to get across. As you said, "God will humble [you]." You will not humble yourself. Conundrum.
want more blog.
with Katie Jones on this one.
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